Sunday, October 4, 2015

Christine Review

I liked my review of Carrie because I think I spoke my mind a lot more...but I ended up writing a LOT for it...idk if I can cut down on the amount I write...I was planning on having these be short reviews not a page long review.

I think I've seen the original Christine once before...so I know the basic story...evil car...nerd buys it and fixes it up...nerd turns into a completely different person...so on and so forth. Now on the DVD it says 1983 so I'm assuming it's the original...thankfully.

Hell I started this review at 7 PM thinking I'd have plenty of time for the review...it's now 12:12 PM...the next day!! I'm going to have to start these damn reviews as soon as I wake up if it really takes this long to write a review of a movie...jeez. Well I TRIED getting this done on the 3rd but I just couldn't.

Title - Christine

Genre - Psychological horror

Year - 1983

We open up to a plant in Detroit in 1957 while Bad to the Bone plays (such a great song...and a good choice for this car haha). And right off the bat, the car makes sure to show off how "bad" it really is, by crushing some guys poor hand with it's hood. Ow! I know how heavy those old car parts are (my dad owns a lot of old cars and parts for them) so that guy's hand is fucked. I didn't catch it but I wonder if he still has all his fingers lol. A guy then decides to get in the car (for some weird reason?) and turns on the radio (playing another great song...man this movie has some good music.). Few minutes later, he's dead...dun dun DUN! The evil car has claimed it's first victim!

We fast track to California in 1978 (with an updated version of the same song playing on the radio...this version I dislike...keep it classic man.) and see a guy driving a blue muscle car up to his friends house. His friend Arnie (the VERY stereotypical nerd...two seconds on screen and he's all ready kluzed up and dumped a bag of garbage all over the place.) comes out and grabs a ride from him. The movie goes on to point out how nerdy this guy is with a stupid scrabble joke...lol.

The two boys then hit school when we see a love interest (I think...I mean new girl at school and they take time to show her off to us...) walk past the boys. We then get to lunch time when we find out Arnie is getting bullied in shop class by Buddy, the schools jackass. Buddy proceeds to make fun of Arnie, stab his lunch bag with a switch blade (do that now and you'd have police all over your scrawny little punk ass) and stomp on poor Arnie's glasses...the typical bullying crap. Dennis then punches Buddy, which makes one of Buddy's goons grab him. And the weird thing...guy grabs his balls...wtf. I mean I know it's to hurt the guy but...uh...isn't it a little weird to grab another guy's junk?

The teacher finally comes to stop the bullies, at which point Dennis and Arnie turn him in for having a switch blade. He and his little friends get sent to the office, and he threatens Arnie some more in front of the teacher...talk about digging your grave.

We then see them driving in Dennis's car when Arnie freaks out and tells him to stop the car because he wants to look at something. And I say freak out because...he over does it honestly, I mean if you see something, you only have to tell them to stop the car and go back once..not over and over again. Anyways Arnie runs out of the car and over to "Christine", looking very worn out and dated. Arnie seems to be very...taken with Christine all ready, while Dennis tells him she's worn out. Then...cue creepy old guy with the keys. He wants $250 for Christine (which doesn't seem like a lot seeing how it does start up...but this is back in the 70's so wasn't money worth more then?) and Dennis insists that it's a bad deal but Arnie's all ready under the spell of Christine I guess...

Back at Arnie's home, his parents are less then thrilled that he bought a car...a junk heap at that as well. He has a big fight with his parents about it (they seem pretty strict...) and he drives off to the local junkyard. We meet the guy running the place (oy...what a loud mouth) and he leaves Christine there to store her and goes back home with Dennis. Dennis asks Arnie "what is it about that car" to which Arnie replies "I don't know, maybe it's just for the first time in my life, I've found something uglier then me." Which isn't the reason but ok if you say so crazy boy. That car's enchanted him...

The next part we start on October 9th and see some changes in Arnie all ready happening. He no longer has his glasses on and his hair is all slicked back. He's rummaging through the junk yard for parts which makes the guy running the place tell him that he's not going to rebuild his car for free, guy offers him a deal for the parts (which is kinda nice of him) but Arnie pisses him off saying he'll "think about it".

We cut to school and see Dennis and his two friends drooling over the new girl in school. Which makes me wonder why...the blond chick sitting in front of the new girl is much cuter...at least to me. Dennis then struts over to her to ask her out, but is shot down because she all ready has a date.

Back to Arnie, we see he's been acting strange lately, never staying home for long or hanging out with Dennis much. Both Dennis and his mother are confused as to what is going on with Arnie...but one thing is for sure...he sure does clean up good.

Dennis then goes the next day to accuse the old man who sold the car to Arnie about not telling them the whole truth about his brother and the car. Suspicious now, Dennis sneaks into the junk yard to check on Christine and tries to get in but Christine has the doors locked and plays a song about how "you can keep knocking but you can't come in", funny. Dennis bails. Interesting Christine didn't try to kill him...I guess she knows Arnie still likes Dennis?

Now it's the football game and we see Dennis playing. Arnie rolls up in his now restored Christine and Billy the asshole takes notice. Dennis also notices when Arnie pulls the new girl out of his car and starts making out with her, and this of course distracts him and he gets brutally tackled by another player on the other team. Whoops...

November 5th comes around and Arnie visits Dennis in the hospital. We find out Dennis can no longer play football (and is lucky he can still walk...) and Arnie has really changed from the geek we saw at the start of the movie.

Next scene is at a drive in movie (which little fun fact, is Thank God It's Friday.) and Arnie and Leigh (what a weird name for a girl...or anyone for that matter) are making out. Leigh stops Arnie, saying she can't and runs out of the car...into the rain...what? If you can't just tell him no and watch the movie don't fucking run out of the car into the rain. I mean if he didn't stop, then yeah run but...never gave him that chance even. Anyways she's jealous of the car because Arnie likes it more then her. Ok weird thing to freak out about while your making out but to each their own I guess? So one of the wipers on the windshield gets stuck, so Arnie runs out to fix it while Leigh starts to choke on her burger and Christine plays "we belong together". Arnie sees this and tries to save Leigh but Christine locks her doors. Leigh manages to unlock her door and someone pulls her out and starts using the heimlich maneuver, saving her.

Arnie then drives Leigh home, where they have a fight about Christine. Arnie leaves but Christine won't turn over, until he pleads with her saying "everything is the same", to which Christine turns on and plays "I love you like I do". Gee Christine...what are you trying to say?

So Arnie drives Christine back to the junkyard to store her, accidentally letting Billy and his goons in. After Arnie leaves, Billy and his goons go to town on bashing up Christine.

The next day we see Arnie and Leigh are together (even after that little fight about Christine...) at the junkyard because Arnie needs to get his wallet out of Christine. They walk in and Arnie spots Christine all smashed to pieces. Leigh tries to comfort Arnie but he flips out on her, shoving her back.

It's then dinner time at Arnie's house. Arnie accuses his parents of it being their fault that his car got busted up because he couldn't park his car there at home. They offer to buy him a new car and he tells his parents "fuck you". Lol...got some balls when your still living under their roof.

He winds up back at the junkyard looking at Christine, promising to fix her up, when Christine starts fixing herself up. Arnie then tells her to "show him" and Christine turns her lights on and repairs herself completely. Makes me wonder why she didn't do that after the bullies wrecked her? Maybe she wanted Arnie to see the damage and freak out/distance himself from everyone but her?

We cut to one of the bullies walking in the dark when he stops and spots Christine. Oh ho ho...the fun begins. So Arnie and Christine (at least I figure Arnie is driving...but we don't see him...so who knows) run down the bully and corner him in an abandoned factory area before squishing him to death...nice.

It's then November 23rd and we see Dennis asleep in the hospital. Arnie wakes him up with beer in hand. Beer and drugs...ooh good combo. They talk a little about Christine and how Billy must have been the one to wreck Christine. One thing to note...is it just me or is Arnie rocking a very "James Dean" look in this scene?

Next up Arnie's leaving school when a detective stops him and starts asking him about the work he's done on Christine. Impatient to leave he revs the engine at the detective but he keeps standing there. Frustrated he asks what the detective want's and he starts questioning Arnie on the paint color and the dead bully. Having nothing on him, Arnie leaves.

Arnie calls Leigh up at night, saying he needs to see her. Frustrated with her answers (or lack of) he tells her "fuck you bitch" and slams the phone down.

December 16th we see Billy and one of his goons at a liquor store buying booze. They drive off and along comes Christine! Christine then chases them till Billy pulls into a gas station and gets out of his car...just in time because Christine drives right into it! Christine then proceeds to ram Billy's car into his goon, killing him and spilling gas out of Billy's car. The station then goes up in flames, killing the gas attendant (who I guess was another goon of Billy's?). Christine backs up, with flames on her, while Billy runs away (haha...scared now?). Christine then runs Billy down (which is odd since Christine isn't driving that fast compared to Billy's running, I mean I know cars go faster then people run but...looks like Billy should be faster at that point?) and sets him on fire if running him over wasn't enough haha!

Back at the junkyard Christine drives in while Darnell (the owner of the junkyard) watches. He calls a guy named Henry asking if Arnie got there ok and if he was driving Darnell's car, informing us it really is Christine doing all of this on her own! Oooh such an evil car. He suspects someone stole Arnie's car and goes to check Christine out with a gun. Not seeing anyone inside, he gets in (why?) and is immediately locked inside. Christine then kills him by crushing him up against the steering wheel with her seats. Neat kill.

The next day Arnie arrives with Darnell's car and see's the junkyard full of cops. Running inside he finds out Darnell died in his car last night, along with all his bullies. Arnie swears he doesn't know anything about that stuff...and of course he doesn't...Christine did it all.

Leigh and Dennis meet up to talk about Arnie and Christine. What makes me wonder is why they're so quick to talk about destroying the car...it's a...car. Yeah some freaky shit is going down but it's a car, and in a normal world...that's all it would be. But it's a movie I know...sometimes I just wonder why they make the characters so quick to jump to conclusions about stuff.

So Arnie rolls up as soon as Leigh leaves and picks Dennis up for New Years. As they drive along we see the odometer running backwards (something that was hinted at earlier when Dennis snuck in to look at Christine). Not sure what that's all about? Anyways Arnie's drinking and driving fast (not a good combo) when he offers Dennis a beer and starts talking about death and such. Arnie then lets go of the wheel to show Dennis how the car can drive on it's own. Dennis starts freaking out and Arnie talks about how love eats up everything (most likely referring to the love of his car and how it's taken everything from him...maybe even warning Dennis of this?) and rambles on...showing how insane the car has made him.

The next day Dennis, sick of it all, cuts the words "Darnell's tonight" on Christine's hood. That night Dennis sneaks into Darnell's to open the front gate and let Leigh in. Funny she let's the guy with a bum leg do this...but this was before all the feminists getting up in arms about equality. So Dennis hot wires a tractor and drives it in position. He tells Leigh his plan to corner Christine and tells her to get into the office. They both get spooked by a car but it's not Christine (and I wonder who it was? the police shut the place down so...I'm sure most people would know it's closed down because it seems like a small town where word would travel around. And the car doesn't stop...but turns around...maybe someone lost but...weird all the same.).

As Leigh walks to the office, we see Christine turn her lights on...she was waiting. Tricky car. She then chases Leigh down, causing Leigh to leap up and grab something but she falls and injures herself (oh so now Dennis and her can match lol). Dennis starts up the tractor and uses it to block Christine from killing Leigh. Christine backs off and waits in the shadows for Dennis to come, and we see that Arnie is driving! Christine repairs herself while Dennis's tractor magically fails when he needs it to work. Christine/Arnie drives into the office trying to kill Leigh but Arnie flies through the windshield after he crashes into the office. We then see Arnie has a huge glass shard in him (interesting Christine let him get hurt...) and he pulls it out and dies. Dennis finally gets the tractor to start back up while Christine plays "I'll forever love you the rest of my days." and backs up trying to kill Leigh. Dennis rams Christine and proceeds to "kill" her as her odometer turns back to 0. Leigh runs to Dennis's arms for comfort but oh look Christine's still got life in her! She repairs herself and starts playing "Rock and roll is here to stay". She eventually does "die" and we see the next day they crushed her into a cube.

Leigh, Dennis and the detective stand looking at the cube of Christine when we hear music start to play. Leigh thinking it's Christine coming back, grabs Dennis but turns out it was just a worker and his radio (lol). As the movie ends we see some metal from Christine twitch...maybe letting us know "she's here to stay"? Cue Bad to the Bone again.

My thoughts: Oh this is a nice movie. Has some lovely songs (I like classic rock and roll so...of course I'll like the music here!) and some nice cars (even though I'm not a car person.). It suffers a little with some classic horror cliches (how everyone accepts the car is evil and shit...) but it's a good movie even with them. It's a good tale of revenge. Sort of like how Carrie was...the underdog getting even on the bullies...I like those movies because I was always the underdog myself so I know how it feels. In any rate it's a classic horror/revenge movie in my book and is good for anyone looking for horror movies outside the normal "Halloween's" and "Nightmare on Elm Street's". Nothing wrong with those movies but sometimes you want something...different and a killer car? Yeah that's different lol. One thing that bugs me with this movie is they never explain why Christine is like this...and everyone just accepts it was all Christine's fault and so on and so forth. A little back history would be nice...but I guess that's why you read the book right? I need to read the book...

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